Posts Tagged ‘Adolescent’

Troublesome Teen?

December 17th, 2009

 

The call is from a flustered parent rhyming off a litany of complaints about their teenaged son or daughter; drugs, alcohol, truancy, sex, smoking, shoplifting, vandalism, hanging out with the wrong crowd. The parent is focussed and organized by the youth’s misdeeds. The parent is seeking the magical solution: someone to speak with his or her child, such that the egregious behaviour is instantly curtailed. Typically, the belief is that the counsellor can wag an even bigger finger in the teen’s face, such that he or she finally gets it and mends his or her ways.

 

Sadly, when this kind of call is received, the teen is so far off kilter that correcting the course will be a drawn out process. The challenge for the parent is to withstand the process and for the parent to learn a new role in correcting their teen’s course instead of just concentrating on the behaviour in the moment. This can be more thorny than working with the teen as many parents have difficulty surmounting their own anger in view of the turmoil imposed by the teen.

 

The change the parent must learn to adopt is to move from a policing and corrections stance where one seeks to only address misdeeds and curtail behaviour, to one where the parent gains control of their own behaviour first, to then offer guidance and direction to their son or daughter. The only goal herein is for the parent to engage their son or daughter in more reasonable and wholesome activities.

 

In truth, telling a teen what not to do and harping on them for misdeeds and poor choices only keeps them mired in the mud. In lieu of this, parents must come to coach and coax their son or daughter towards activities inherently of interest to their son or daughter. They must help the teen join clubs, sports, recreational or creative activities that are fun. Do not view this as rewarding misbehaviour, but providing alternate activities to that which the teen was otherwise drawn.

 

More to the point, every minute spent engaged in a reasonable activity, is a minute away from the other nefarious activities. Further, all structured and organized activities are supervised. Hence, the teen is now under the guidance and direction of an adult, geared to facilitating skill development as per the area of interest. If your teen is amenable, join with him or her. Change the context of the relationship from punisher to collaborator. In so doing, resist harping on the issues of old, in favour of chatting about the new current activities.

 

In defensive driving terms, this is known as steering where you want to drive – crash avoidance. Steer towards the crash, and that’s what happens. Steer where you want to go and enjoy the ride as you achieve your destination.

 

In some situations, the relationship between parent and teen is so deteriorated that all manner of influence is lost and the teen cannot contemplate a change in direction facilitated by the parents. In such situations, parents may need to use an alternate source of influence. To this end, there may be a youth worker in a community-based program who may be helpful in engaging the teen in their program. Such programs may be available through the YMCA/YWCA, Boys and Girls Clubs, Salvation Army, church groups, etc. Call your local program and ask to speak with the youth worker. Explain your situation and see if the youth worker can invite and engage your son or daughter in their program. This means of “outreach” is designed to capture youth and reintegrate them into more meaningful activities with the support and guidance of the youth worker.

 

The goal remains the same: out-of-control, troublesome teens need to be engaged in meaningful activities, of inherent interest and fun. These activities are supervised and incompatible with getting into trouble. These are the first steps to changing the course of a wayward teen and improving relations with parents and family.

 

The real challenge in managing teens is engagement in reasonable activities. Put your efforts here.

 

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW (905) 628-4847

gary@yoursocialworker.com http://www.yoursocialworker.com  Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report. Call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques and workshops.

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report. Call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques and workshops.
instant-messaging

No comments »

Posted in Sex & Teens

Tags:

Adolescent Questions and Answers

December 12th, 2009

15, have need of minister to next to boys! please answer adjectives teens!? dont bother. most teenage boys think with the wrong body element. (i was a teenage boy once so im speaking from experience). focus on school. dont rush to grow up, pleanty of time for boys once you hold an education I call crap on the rule that we shouldn’t ask guys…15th birthday jamboree accepted wisdom (:? Helloooo, im going to turn 15 in August and want a SMALL party for just me and a couple of mate, but i dont know what to do? I dont want anything like a disco or whatever, or also dont want to do ice skating or any other sports because they can find kind of boring after a while….16 & 17 year olds, do any of you fashion more than $500 a month? My sister (17) makes only 250 + a month My 17 year old sister does. $400 and something every 2 weeks. She worked at a summer camp mostly all summer. It newly ended last week. She also works at a dress store. While working at the camp…16 and pregnant is so far the best show I enjoy ever see contained by mtv? really I even cried..in some of the episodes..Im 18 and believe this show really make me think..My friends survey the show too and they thogh the same time..I know having sex is not a bad entry..but I felt really sorry for the girls like Maci.and that fat girl i…16 and Pregnant on MTV? What do you think about this show? Do you feel it teach young people a lesson about have kids at a young age or does it encourage them to want to have kids? I judge it teaches them about having kids at a immature age. It shows them what kind of emotional experience they go through… &it specifically…16 and pregnant please read this? howw did you graduate your 16? your obviously not smart enough to graduate precipitate if you got your skanky little self pregnant aww honey. im not pregnant or 16. but i sure hope i can help. It sounds like you are in profoundly of pain. im sorry. And if your parents disowned you talk to some…16 and pregnant.. Respectful answers individual please.? I’m 16 and I’m pregnant. I know I know, I’ve already gotten the too young speach a million times before, and I’d like some answers instead of lectures please, I estimate it’s a little late to be telling me I’m too childish anyway right? I still live with my guardians, who are my aunt and uncle…16 year antiquated: Creative things to do on a plane? [[Appropriate and allowed please]]? Going on a long flight, I want some creative things to do while on the flight. Emphasis on creative. What I mean is like, look at each of the nation around me and make lives for them… [[Like this person is a part of the FBI and going on leave,…16 year infirm girl self friendly beside ex boyfriends father…? Ok, this is a very strange story, I’ll try to summarize… First of all, I feel I should point out that my friend is beyond average nouns. She is known for her angelic appearance and has always be swarmed by male attention, but she is very introvert and a ‘lovey dovey’ romantic. She dated…16 Year Old Might Be Pregnant By Her ‘ Fuk Buddy ‘? Ohkay, So iThink Im Pregnant. Im Going To Take The Test On Monday. But My Sidekick [ Bestfrend ) Told Him About It. And That * Had His Nerves To Say That Im Tryna Play Him And That It Anit His. And If It Is He Dont Kare If iKill It.! If Im…16 year older friend is pregnant…? ((Sorry about the length of this…)) Hi, some of you may have see my question a few days ago about my friend, Arkie…anyway like I said she is 16, turning 17 within March, which is also when her baby is due. She decided to keep the babe-in-arms, and I told her I would be there for her no…16 year older girls, What is your curfew? I’m 16. I don’t really have a curfew, my mom will let me stay out till midnight if she knows exactly who I am beside, how I’m getting home, and where I am. I also always have my cell on, so I telephone her and let her know I’m on my way home, and stuff &…16, How do I convince my mom to tolerate me receive my tongue pierced? you’re luck you even got your belly button pierced! i’ve be trying to get my nose pierced for a year now…and my parents won’t budge! ugh, as soon as I hit 16 i’m getting one. ha-ha anyways, do what you said you be thinking about doing. “it’s either Japan or…16, I involve to be on birth control, mom doesn’t approve.? I’m 16 years old and I have sex, we always use condoms, but obviously they aren’t 100%, and I’m aware that Birth Control isn’t 100% either, anyways, I can’t talk to my mom about this type of stuff, that’s purely not our relationship, and I think babies are absolutely adorable, but at 16 I’m…17 and pregnant??! .? Hey, My friend thinks that she is pregnant about 20 days, she thinks she get pregnant around July 11th but she hasn’t tooken a test yet. She says she’s really sick & her stomach feel like a furnace & it hurts really bad, could she be pregnant she thinks she is but is this ordinary. Thanks Pregnancy…17 Y.O. soon to be step daughter.HELP!? He is not as wonderful of man as you put him to be. You are looking through rose colored glasses. He raise this near adult to be such a pathetic human mortal and yet you allow her to be near your daughter. Sorry, but you are the one making a mistake. You should have lost…17 year older near pregnant girlfriend. We do not want an abortion, and the parents do not know. What do I do?!? I live in a small town next to Tampa in the state of Florida. I am 17 years dated and so is my girlfriend. Currently it is damn near impossible for a 17 year old to get a employment here. I’m really scared…17 year outdated son go to dentist appointment drunk.? My 17 year old son had a dentist appointment on monday (i had one today)… he have his license so he drove himself and i thought everything was fine. well, at my appointment today, the denti9st informed me that my son smelled like alcohol, be slurring his words, hitting on random women, etc. should i…17yr feeble near a 21yr old-fashioned is that too much of an age difference? Im 17 turned 17 recently in may, and he just turned 21 finishing month, we aren’t going out just yet. Is it a big age difference you know, I think previously I would enjoy said yes, but I am currently 16 with a 21 year old, and i realised it…18 and 15 + 16= a stirred pot of what? I have a guy he is graduated and has post working overtime alot he is 18 is name is Zach. we like each other my parents know it they wouldn’t keeping if we dated or anything they trust us. But he has made it clear he doesn’t want to date me as of right now…19 and hold never met a girl? Best answer plz! You didn’t miss out on anything!You appear more mature then your age and some girl out there is gonna met you and love it cuz most guys that r 19 r basically dumb!Just hang on it will come to u! Relax. You seem like a great guy, you’d be a great catch for…20 Questionsssssssss!? So this one boy and i play 20 questions once in a great while but i’m running out of things to ask. What are some questions that wouldn’t construct the conversation too awkward? which movie would you watch over and over? something you cant live without? would you be smart and ugly or dumb and magnificent? if you were to enter a…2012 WHAT WILL HAPPEN? what will happen on december 21 2012? it will be 4 days away from christmas! woo presents! you are probably asking about the “world ending”. yah, i cant predict these things but just keep contained by mind that it is a theory. NOTHING will happen. The gullible twits getting hysterical about 2012 will own hyperventilated themselves to death long…26 years weak and 16 years dated.? North Carolina laws states that the age of consent is 16, if the person is 16 and the boyfriend is 26 would that still be consider statutory rape? Am I not right? that would still be considered statutory rape! if you have sex at adjectives under 16 it is illegal! period! if you enjoy sex with…2-b 4-a 7-c 8-d 11-c 14-c 16-d 18-d 19-c 20-c and i inevitability minister to beside the other one please and thank u? 1. To condone means to A. flatter lavishly. B. forgive. C. slander. D. encourage. 2. A…3 TEENagers I’m so Stressed? I have 3 teenagers and I’m so stressed right now. I have two girls (15) and (16 almost) and (15) year hoary son. The (15) year olds are twins. I should start from oldest to youngest. My daughter thinks she should be in control of everything and fights next to me on everything she tries to rebel against everything…3 teens girls contained by 1 room? I have 3 teen girls in 1 room. They all want their own space .The space is fixed. Any suggestions? put up the walls like you might see contained by a office Get creative. Friends of mine, be all teen sisters in limited space. They open most of the room rather than closing it…34C almost D at 12 years elderly ?? any help or comment ? is this normal ? It’s not that bad. I wear a 38 C or a 36 D and I’m 14. It’s harder for me cuz I have a smaller frame. So it hurts my wager on alot. Just wear push up bras they help with more support. It’s normal,…Does anyone know any quotes that close-fisted something approaching.? ”i dont regret the things i’ve done. i regret the things i didnt do when i had the chance” thankk you everyonee (: “i don’t regret the things i’ve done. i regret the things i didnt do when i have the chance” thats a perfectly good quote that you’ve already got, why would…Does anyone know more or less any rave going on surrounded by PA soon? i wanna go :D hahah. just wondering actually. i dont wanna turn bc i dont wanna get into trouble with drugs. p.s. do kandi kids do drugs? me & my brother were arguing almost it :P you dont want to go to a rave, they are stupid. … More Adolescent questions please visit : BabyFreeFAQ.com

No comments »

Posted in School Violence

Tags:

Sex Education

November 18th, 2009

Teens face difficult choices daily that can affect them for the rest of their lives. One of the major decisions they will make is whether or not to be sexually active. In a culture where premarital sex is accepted and normalized and where most media messages present everything counter to abstinence, many adolescents are choosing to be sexually active, some at very young ages. In the United States, 45.6 percent of high school students (1) and 79.5 percent of college students ages 18-24 (2) have had sex. The decision to have sex at such a young age can cause life long effects on their physical, emotional and psychological health. Thus, it is critical for adults and educators to realistically address teen sexuality and to recognize the many factors, including media, culture and peer influences that contribute to this decision.
There are many influences that affect adolescents’ attitudes on sex such as sex related media. Adolescents in the US spend an average of 5-6 hours a day with some form of media that shows frequent, glamorized, and consequence-free sexual activity. (3) Recent studies also show that 12-14 year olds exposed to the most sexual content in movies, music, magazines, and on television were 2.2 times as likely to have sexual intercourse than peers that experienced less sexual content in media exposure. (4) When asked why they had sex for the first time, 13 percent of men ages 13-18 state it was because of pressure from their friends and eight percent of women this age state it was because of pressure from a partner. (5)
Teens are vulnerable to these influences and a host of others. They need to be educated on what is influencing them, the inaccuracies of certain messages (such as: “sex is just fun,” “sex has no consequences,” and “sex makes you popular”), and how a decision like this can have negative and lasting consequences to their lives, now and in the future. With this knowledge comes the ability to challenge the “norm” and make more positive and healthy decisions. This message needs to come from those they respect and trust, namely educators and parents.
The content of these educational messages needs to be one that will influence them and leave a lasting impression, especially as they face situations where a decision is needed; abstinence needs to become a solid option. In order to have influence, the message needs to be delivered in a way that they will, #1 listen to and #2 remember.
I believe one of the most effective ways is by engaging teenagers with a program that is entertaining to them, one that will get and keep their attention, one that has enough of an emotional connection to cause them to really think about what situations they will face and to prepare them to respond to these situations. One that assists them in making positive decisions in future situations and that teaches them to implement actions that will prevent them from potential negative consequences and future pain. “What’s Love Got to Do With It” is one tool that can aid in the teaching process. It was developed based on the above concepts and is specifically developed to educate and influence in the ways described above. It is engaging, entertaining, and impacting. This interactive video (DVD) program explores the various influences on teen sexual behavior, primarily media and peer influences. It educates youth on the consequences of choosing to be sexually active-not just potential physical consequences (pregnancy & STD’s)-but also the emotional and psychological impact. This program encourages adolescents to think seriously about choosing to be sexually active and why the best decision, with the least risks and consequences, is abstinence. It provides valuable information on how to handle pressure and how to say “no.”" Additionally, teens will learn what defines sexual assault and how to prevent becoming a victim or a perpetrator. A study guide is included to assist in discussion following the DVD to further drive home the message.
References
1. Grunbaum JA etal. Youth risk behavior surveillance, United States, 2001. MMWR CDC Survelliance Summaries 2002
2. Division of Adolescent & School Health, CDC. Youth risk behavior surveillance, national college health risk behavior survey, United States, 1995. MMWR CDC Surveillance Summaries 1997;46(SS-6):1-56.
3. Bloomberg.com
4. Kinsman SB, Romer D, et al. Early sexual initiation: the role of peer norms. Pediatrics 1998; 102:1185-1192.
5. Kaiser Family Foundation & YM magazine. “National Survey of Teens: Teens Talk about Dating, Intimacy and Their Sexual Experiences.” Melo Park, CA: The Foundation, 1998.

No comments »

Posted in Sex & Teens

Tags:

6 visitors online now
6 guests, 0 members
Max visitors today: 9 at 03:37 pm GMT+6
This month: 14 at 02-08-2012 05:21 pm GMT+6
This year: 31 at 01-03-2012 08:28 pm GMT+6
All time: 123 at 01-29-2011 08:52 pm GMT+6