As I peered over my niece’s shoulder to catch a glimpse of the book she can’t part with, I read, “Blair Waldorf reached under the tablecloth and squeezed Nate’s knee. The candlelight was making her horny. If only Daddy knew what we’re planning to do after this, she thought giddily” ( you know you love me, Cecily von Ziegesar ). Suddenly, my palms became sweaty, my throat clenched, and that familiar voice yells from the caverns of my soul, “DON’T BE YOUR MOTHER, DON’T BE YOUR MOTHER!”.
Age 11, I reach for a new book placed high on my mother’s bookshelf, Are You There, God?, It’s Me, Margaret (Judy Blume). A reluctant reader, the title peeked my interest. As I opened the title page, I heard the “You should be ashamed voice” bellow from my mother. “PUT THAT BOOK DOWN!”ricocheted off the walls of the room sucking the air from my lungs and making my shoulders tighten with fear. Embarrassed, I dropped the book, and shuffled to my bedroom. We never spoke about the incident again.
The dilemma. To let them read or not let them read. To be my mother or not to be my mother. Parents monitor their teenager’s television programs, internet use, friendships, and activities but what about their books? Most parents rejoice to see their 13-year-old daughter engrossed in a book instead of causing trouble with friends or sitting in a backseat with her boyfriend. I found the book in the teen section, and it is on the best seller’s list. It must be ok, right? But is it?
Many of us have seen the recent stories. Reporters taking inventory of all the mature issues wrapped in pretty plaid book jackets marketed for your teen’s pleasure. Anchormen warning us of the dangerous subjects hidden in these books. Series such as The Clique, Gossip Girl, and A-List receiving a great deal of negative press. If I listen to the media and blame the Gossip Girl Series and the Pretty Committee ( from the Clique series) for teen pregnancy, materialism, drug use, and oh yes – everything else that is wrong with adolescence today, am I becoming my mother? The one who bans the books, who never has those important conversations, or am I being a responsible parent? To this day, I have yet to read that Judy Blume novel. Just mentioning the title fills me with dread and guilt for disappointing my mother with my curiosity.
Here’s a new idea, instead of telling our daughters to drop the book and back-away with hands raised, let’s embrace the activities that fill our teenager’s life as opportunities to establish trust and respect. First, celebrate that our children choose to read in their spare time. Go ahead, pat yourself on the back! In a world plagued with illiteracy, give your child and their teachers a nod for taking steps towards extinguishing this epidemic. It may not be Chaucer, but it is a step in the right direction. Second, accept that a teenager is a peculiar species. They speak their own language, rarely smile, and have 57 ways to roll their eyes – each with it’s own meaning. We as parents are given very few opportunities to communicate with our pubescent children. Yes, that awful “C” word, communicate. Therefore, let’s take advantage of every opportunity made available to us. If we spent less time banning these books based on media hysteria and more time exploring them, we would see them as a goldmine for starting real conversations about the issues our teen faces every day. For example, use the mistake Sophie made with Chaz, in, What My Mother Doesn’t Know, to discuss internet safety. The risks that accompany on-line relationships, and how to make responsible decisions about whether or not meet these people Let Blair, from the Gossip Girl Series, be a catalyst for a real discussion about abstinence. I’m not referring to the lecture your mother called the “birds and bees”, but a real dialogue about the pressures of an intimate relationship. Teenagers connect with these characters, hence their popularity and position on the best seller’s list. Let’s stop labeling these books as smut and see the plethora of opportunities they offer parents to start an honest discourse about contemporary issues.
Now let’s be realistic. Parents don’t have time to sit down and read every book their teenager picks-up. Most parents have a hard enough time figuring out how to balance car pools, practices, games, recitals, and many more unnecessary extracurricular activities their child is involved. Fortunately, there are resources to help parents understand what their teenager is reading. Websites such as bookbuddies4parents.com and teenreads.com are two resources. Many more offer guides that can be used to start a book club. Explore the internet, and you will find many, many more. Unsure how to search the World Wide Web? This may be another one of those rare opportunities to connect with your teenager! Well, until next week’s headline convinces you to disconnect from your internet provider