Posts Tagged ‘Teen Sex’

Three Lessons to Teach Your Teen about Sex

November 22nd, 2009

In a sad way, I find it somewhat amusing when mass media and some parents routinely propose or actually go ahead in giving their teens leniency in regards to breaking universal rules and values around dating and sex. I find this amusing because I routinely have young girls come in to see me or request advice via my website, about their realization that they have become pregnant, and lost as to what course of action to take. Recently I saw a fifteen year old, who was contemplating giving her year old son for adoption, because she had reached her wits end with him. The child, like any one year old, fast approaching his second birthday, has become more active and demanding for attention. These examples are just dealing with teen pregnancy and teen parent hood, I have not begun to go into the adolescent clients diagnosed with herpes, and yes HIV, I have seen in the past.

So yes, I find the glorification of sex with adolescents in today’s culture somewhat amusing because, no one ever brags about staying up all night with a crying baby, or being infected with HIV. If you are a parent, there are three lessons you need to teach your teen about sex.

Lesson One

Just as you sat with your toddler (or maybe not), and watched Elmo and friends shamelessly talk about the basics of potty training, you should sit with your teen and shamelessly talk about the basics of sex. From sexual attraction, to arousal, to fore play and intercourse. This difficult and needful conversation has to cover not just sex, but the science behind it. From the differences between the male and female genitalia, to what changes to expect during puberty, pregnancy and sexual transmitted infections.

Lesson Two

So you have gone over the bells and whistles of sex and it’s consequences with your teen, now what? Protection. That’s right, go ahead; talk about the use of a condom and it’s researched statistic, as well as the use of birth control. Condoms if used correctly, will work a hundred percent of the time, ninety-eight percent to account for human error. Then there is the science and timing of birth control pills, explain to your son or daughter what happens if one pill is missed, and the success rate even if the pills are taken on a consistent basis.

Lesson Three

This is the most important lesson of all, as it has to do with the “what if” scenarios. What if your daughter gets pregnant? What if your son gets a sexual transmitted infection, or becomes a father? The focus of this lesson is to teach your teen, that nothing is guaranteed or set in stone, and that their daily choices could trigger a number of infinite possibilities. As a responsible parent, your “what if” response should be tailored towards supporting your teen, but not enabling or bailing them out of trouble.

Teaching these three lessons will not eliminate the possibilities of your teen contracting a sexual transmitted infection or becoming a teen parent, but it will go a long ways towards decreasing the likelihood.

Ugo Uche MS., LPC

For more information about Ugo please visit:

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Ugo Uche is a Licensed Professional Counselor, and a masters level psychotherapist based in Arizona.
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Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children

November 21st, 2009

You may recall that several years ago President George W. Bush appointed Joe Mcllhaney, a well-known advocate of abstinence- only programs, advisor to the CDC. In April 2002, Mcllhaney testified to Congress that there was no evidence that comprehensive sexuality education programs are “successful at all” — a year after Doug Kirby’s report for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy documented this success. Now Mcllhaney has written a book. Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our

This article was reviewed by Marty Klein. PhD. an AASECTcertified sex therapist living in California. He can he reached at mk@sexed.org.

You may recall that several years ago President George W. Bush appointed Joe Mcllhaney, a well-known advocate of abstinence- only programs, advisor to the CDC. In April 2002, Mcllhaney testified to Congress that there was no evidence that comprehensive sexuality education programs are “successful at all” — a year after Doug Kirby’s report for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy documented this success. Now Mcllhaney has written a book. Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children, claiming that science supports why sex is had for unmarried people, especially adolescents.

Freda McKissic Bush is his willing accomplice, a hoard member of Mcllhaney’s Medical Institute for Sexual Health, and a memher of lUish’s Advisory Council on HIV/AIDS, which favored ideology over established knowledge in biology, psychology, sociology, and economics. Hooked is a skillfully produced, emotionally manipulative, political tract. All sexuality educators will benefit from familiarity with it, because it’s a virtual primer of the tactics used by abstinence- only and sex-negative policy-makers, including:

• The sex-as-a-problem paradigm. The resulting policy goal is to minimize this problem, rather than finding ways to help young people celebrate their sexuality or use it for personal growth.

• Zero discussion of decision-making skills other than urging a simple refusal to engage in erotic activity.

• The recurring use of the word “children” to refer to biological adults who happen to be minors (i.e., age 17), or unmarried. Policy discussions about sexuality that treat 12-year-olds and 20-year-olds as a single category are based in ideology, not social sciences.

• A scientific-sounding discussion of “chemicals released in the brain during sex” which “can become addictive.” This rather old news is presented as a scientific “breakthrough,” without any mention of similar neuro-chemical activity that accompanies sports, eating, singing, and other pleasurable behavior.

• There is no discussion about how young Americans’ bodies now mature in ways for which society is unprepared (150 years ago, onset of puberty and age of first marriage were almost concurrent; that has changed dramatically). Similarly, tbere is no acknowledgement that society is responsible for most young people’s sexual difficulties by stimulating them sexually (as consimiers) and giving them enormous autonomy (privacy, cell phones, etc.), while deliberately withholding the information they need to handle the inevitable feelings and situations.

Sex for some young people will be negative and even damaging. There are good reasons to guide kids away from too-early sexual activity, along with other activities for which they are not yet prepared developmentally. The “reefer madness” approach of this book equips neither parents nor young people with the positive attitudes and communication skills they need to understand and shape sexual decision-making.

This book is a desperate cry from frightened, angry people who are more interested in the purity of their own ideology and religious visions than they are in actual young people. They are, in fact “hooked” on something far worse than the ”addictive” brain chemicals that help make life worth living.

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Discussing Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Safe Sex With Your Teens

November 19th, 2009

Nowadays our kids are learning about sex at younger and younger ages and the biggest problem for most parents is that a lot of the information they are receiving is wrong and, quite frankly, downright dangerous. For this reason it is vitally important that parents talk to their children about this whole subject, earlier rather than later, to ensure that their children are safe and do not either end up as parents themselves before their time or with a nasty, if not life-threatening, disease.Now this might seem a little strange, but the first piece of advice for any parent who is about to tackle this subject with their children is to take the time to learn about it yourself. You cannot give your child the right information unless you have it yourself and things have probably changed dramatically since most of us learnt ourselves, possible many years ago. Thankfully, there are several trusted and well respected organizations today that are only too willing to give you the up-to-date information you need and also to provide you with information which you can communicate to your children in a tried and tested form which they will both understand and accept.The accepted wisdom for many years, and still the preferred route for many parents, is simply to teach children abstinence. This is not a good approach and has been shown time and time again to fail. Like it or not as parents we have to accept that there is a good chance that our children are going to have sex before we feel that they are ready to do so and our prime responsibility must be to ensure that they do so safely and responsibly. The important thing to remember is that, whatever our own attitude towards sex, we cannot necessarily expect our teenagers to have the same attitude and can only point them in the right direction. At the end of the day the decision will be theirs and not ours.Many parents feel uncomfortable about talking to their kids about sex and find a raft of excuses to pass the problem off onto somebody else. For example, a lot of parents feel that this is something which should be dealt with in schools or that there is no real need to deal with the subject at all, because kids today can pick up all the information they need from their peers or from sources such as the Internet. This is simply a ‘cop out’ and amounts to nothing more than evading your responsibilities as a parent.You need to ensure that you children get the right information and that they receive it from someone they trust – and that means you. More importantly when your child has a problem, is concerned about something or simply has a question about sex, he needs to know that he can come to you and talk about it openly and easily and without any embarrassment on either side.If you are still feeling nervous about talking to your child about sex then just stop and think for a moment how you would feel if your fifteen year old daughter came home one day and told you that she was pregnant, or your sixteen year old son told you that he had been to the std clinic because he had been having a problem and has been diagnosed with HIV. Dealing with the consequences of your own failure to tackle sex education in a responsible and timely manner can be devastating, not least to the children you love so much.

Parenting4Dummies.com deals with all aspects of parenting including raising problem teenagers and giving teen sex advice
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Teen Sex – How Fashionable is Having Sex in your Teens?

November 18th, 2009

Teen sex is getting more like fashion everyday, meaning, if you are not wearing the latest in clothes designs then you are behind the times, it is because of this that young girls/boys feel obligated to participate because it is the in thing to do. Teen sex it is not about love, it is more like trying out something new for the first time and when you have finished – move on. Sex is sex, but to make love is a nicer way to describe two people coming together in body unison where the sex has meaning. Teen sex if in comparison with fashion is ideal if you not only wear clothes but a condom too.

What happened to the birds and bees, have they taken flight. Many moons ago the yarn about the birds and the bees was taken very seriously by parents who believed when children reached puberty was a time of importance to enlighten them on premature sexual encounters and the consequences.

Long gone are the days where yesterday’s child – innocent in thought enjoyed passing the hours away playing hide and seek or hop scotch with their special hand picked stone, Children have now become victims of the twentieth century, tarnished in thought. Kids nowadays live their life in rebellious mode, choosing to rebel against having a childhood full of happiness. Many kids know not of the difference between happiness and ignorance because of the way they are programmed. Ignorance prevails in the way of turning a deaf ear to teen sex advice off mum and dad while knocking back alcohol and a fag hanging out of their mouth, or worse still getting high on drugs and not to mention indulging in unprotected boy girl hanky panky behind the bike shed.

Sadly for some parent’s their hands are tied when teaching right from wrong because their kids don’t want to hear about the birds the bees anymore, they want to do what they do, if this be the case then a different approach is advisable to help put your kids on the straight and narrow in relation to having sexual intercourse after their pacifier has not long been discarded. For the parents of a teen sex addict who enjoys having sex before that of playing a card game of snap needs to take drastic action. Some parents find it hard to accept that their children who not long out of nappies them self are close to making babies.

Crucial decisions have to be made by these parents whose beliefs are firmly steadfast to yesterday’s upbringing, meaning, if their child becomes rebellious and chooses to regularly couple with different partners having teen sex, then you have learn to accept that this is the twentieth century and guide them on matters of importance, safe sex. This may sound like you are encouraging the child, when in fact you are saving them from self inflicted harm. Acceptance of a new today and tomorrow leaving yesterday behind will certainly help. Life is not so complicated when you have a better understanding on the changes in the world and your child.

No parent can have the perfect child “no one is perfect”, you may bet every mother and father who seeks perfection in their children will have something hidden in the closet.

The best advice for parents of a promiscuous child is to work alongside them, meaning, if what you say is going unheeded then point them in the right direction for them to maintain a healthy well being. Unprotected sex can lead to an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, both of which can destroy a life in more ways than one, i.e. having a baby at such a young age with no partner to help raise the child or where an untreated STD can be fatal.

America is noted for having the highest rates of teen pregnancies .Because of teen sex – pregnancy valuation costs in the US totals to approximately $7 billion a year. A staggering 34% of young women fall pregnant at least once by the time they reach 20 years old..

Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school. Figures show that eighty percent of unmarried teen mums rely upon state benefits..

Children need to be taught sooner than later about the dangers of unprotected sex, depending on age group details of man woman and intimacy needs careful planning. It is important you are full of knowledge and in a position to explain about STDs. No knowledge on the facts can hamper your best intentions to help the child instead of putting the fear of god up them.

Unwanted pregnancy, they say you learn by mistakes; however mistakes as such can not be brushed aside, so as a parent you need to sweep any embarrassment regarding sex education under the carpet for to help give your child any chance of having a squeaky clean upbringing.

Some parents find this matter hard to discuss with their children but if your child’s health is at risk then those nonsensical red blushes need to disappear so that you don’t have to take on the role of granny and granddad before your hair turns grey.

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